This made me laugh !!!

  • One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, him and his friends all standing around drinking and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the life guard tower and all his friends look up.


    He calls for silence and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money." No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, takes a sip from his beer and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house." Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes." Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle; everything I own."


    "Splash" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on the tower jumps down and runs over to him. "That was incredible] I never thought that I would ever see that done. "Do you want the money now or later?"


    "I don't want the money."


    "Do you want the house now or later?"


    "I don't want the house."


    "Do you want the cars and planes now or later?"


    "I don't want the cars or the planes."


    "Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"


    "I don't want that either."


    "Do you want the girls now or later?"


    "I don't want the girls."


    The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell doyou want??"


    "I want the b****** that pushed me in."

  • Like it :biggrin:


    How about this


    Quote

    An Irishman was buying a pair of wellington boots and noticed the soles of the boots had "L" and "R" stamped on them. Curious he asked the salesman what this was for. The salesman duly explained the "L" was for left and "R" was for right. He thought about this and then said......
    "Bejesus, all these years I thought it was just a label!"


    the salesman had to ask what did he mean by label


    "the wife's knickers have a C&A label,and here was me thinking that was where she bought them... well now I know better......."

  • Who wants to be a Millionaire - Irish contestant


    Chris Tarrant -


    "OK Paddy. You have three life lines and you want to use one of them at this stage - which would you like to use?"


    Paddy - "I'll phone a friend please Chris"


    Chris Tarrant - "Who do you want to phone Paddy?"


    Paddy - "I'll phone Tommy please Chris"


    Brrrrrr. Brrrrrrrrr.


    Tommy - "Hello"


    Chris Tarrant - "Tommy??"


    Tommy - "Yes"


    Chris Tarrant - "It's Chris Tarrant on ITV's Who wants to be a Millionaire."


    Tommy - "Christ"


    Chris Tarrant - "I've Paddy here & he needs your help to get him to 2,000, the next voice you hear will be Paddy".....




    Paddy - "Tommy, will I go 50/50 or should I ask the audience?"..........

  • Saw this the other day too.... I really liked this one...


  • Here's another school one


    Schools Examiner visiting school, sits in on History Lesson.


    Teacher: " Johnny, who knocked down the Walls of Jericho ?"


    Johnny: " Not me sir!"


    Examiner to Teacher : " I can't believe that answer"


    Teacher ; "Well Johnny is a good boy and if he says he didn't do it, I believe him"


  • Except it was July 20, 1969


    (Don't you just hate it when someone ruins a good joke?):biggrin:


    Software: OpenOffice 3.0/NeoOffice 3.0 on Mac OS X 10.5.6
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    Old, slow, and confused - but at least I'm inconsistent!


    Rich
    (retired Excel 2003 user, 3.28.2008)